.

2012-01-22T01:00:00.000+08:00

it's been a long way on this road, and i am trying hard to forget, i am trying to fill up all my days with work and stuff so i wont think abt it anymore. but i really dont want to lose all contact i guess. but there is really nth much i can do.

2011-12-28T18:20:00.001+08:00

forgetit, this isn't gg to work. 连朋友都这么辛苦。its equally stressful to me. not gg to try anymore.

2011-12-20T23:07:00.001+08:00

its only three weeks since jc ended. but i already super miss the life alrdy. and the ppl :/ and u.

2011-08-10T01:58:00.005+08:00

i wish.. i wish.. but really, whats the point.

i miss the times where we could talk. somehow i wish(again) that things wont b as bad.

wishes...

2011-07-29T23:32:00.002+08:00

it's when you lose smth then you realise how dear it was to you, but you took it for granted.

2011-07-17T23:02:00.003+08:00

In contemplating how to forgive someone, it may or may not help to express your feelings to the other person. If the relationship is important to you and you would like to maintain it, it may be very useful for you to tell the other person -- in non-threatening language -- how their actions affected you If the person is no longer in your life, if you want to cut off the relationship, or if you have reason to believe that things will get much worse if you address the situation directly, you may want to just write a letter and tear it up (or burn it) and move on. It still may help to put your feelings into words as part of letting go. People don’t need to know that you’ve forgiven them; forgiveness is more for you than for the other person.

'People don’t need to know that you’ve forgiven them; forgiveness is more for you than for the other person.'

how can i gain your forgiveness. i really dk. i am so sry. but i no longer have a chance to make a change.

this is taking and sucking away so much from me.

2011-07-06T23:42:00.001+08:00

cried myself to sleep

2011-07-04T02:17:00.003+08:00

You came into my life at the most depressing state of my life last year. I thought you were a friend that would last very long, at the very least. Easiest female friend that I could talk to. I was so wrong, so so wrong. I have to take full responsibility. I should not have overdone things. I should not have. Who knows how different would things be now?

Sorry, for the last time.

2011-07-04T01:48:00.003+08:00

i think you are pretty heartless. I keep trying convince myself otherwise. But no I know its not. I should not be trying. why bother. i tried。

我可以跟自己说我已经很尽力地救回这个友谊。就算真的是我的错，我已经不止一次想办法尼普我的错。。我还能做什么？原来，我不应该这么的关心。我是因为我觉得你是一个真朋友，虽然我是喜欢你，我是很努力的做回个好朋友。朋友而已。我很伤心我看起来是失败了。我很不想失去你这个朋友。但是，你一点都不理情。有时候，你让我检讨为什么我会你这么受影响。这次的年终考试完了。我实在不能专心。

I really reached the end. Tell me what should I do, will you?

Sadly, I know you won't even bother. Do you really hate me so much? Why? Isit because I tried too hard? Isn't it a irony. I am no perfect being. Sick of this. I can't believe I am upset over this. Are you worth this? I am so fucking distracted. I am like I lost my mind.

Nice one, waikit. You self destructed.

2011-07-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

i really meet a brick wall this time.

2011-06-29T22:47:00.000+08:00

i dunno whether this is the right thing to do

2011-06-26T03:21:00.000+08:00

No matter how hard I try, things can never be the same again. :((

2011-06-26T02:06:00.002+08:00

i started looking back at past msgs today, and i wished i paid more attn to them. i can still vividly remember what i replied. Although i wished i didnt reply some of the things that i did. i really do. my phone is lagging very badly, but i dont think i will delete them. These memories are like knives, I dont know whether to feel happy about the past, or sad about the present, or uncertain (maybe definite) about the future.

you seem a thousand miles away, or maybe a million. getting even harder to reach out to you. i guess its almost the end of the road for me. or maybe its already the end. i admit some of them are super lame. but who's to understand me?

sorry for everything, really am. what else is there left to say?

i wished we were friends as before. just friends.

2011-06-12T01:52:00.002+08:00

"Cool" - Gwen stefani

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

------------------------------------------------------------
I love this song. I find that the lyircs make alot of sense. It's like a love-hate relationship. Everytime i hear this is prob when I am feeling down. Either that or i am thinking abt things, somehow the song makes me feel worse. lol. damn. Took me 3 years to find it. but i can always remember the starting 2 lines before i found it.

''It is hard to remember how it felt before.''

Time flies. It is already June. There's nothing much I can do. Somtimes, i look at others, i look at my close friends, then i think about myself. Am i not trying hard enough? Am i trying too hard? Am i nt supposed to try? i dunno. i no longer have the time and energy to think about all these actually. It's been hell of a month. But then I still wonder. What's the problem with me? I ask myself and I find myself facing at a blank wall. I shall not mention names, but really, I admire him. Maybe that's the approach I should all along have taken. Learn and follow. Hah. or maybe its just my character. I am a boor? too 'ungentlemanly' ? I learnt that that is what people has their first impression of me. I think its the way I am brought up bah. Living in a place where everybody utters !@#!$! , inclduing me, its hard to act being civilised. But i am realy trying. I dont like to act. I say things to some people sometimes that make me regret when I snap. I am sexist, thats what my friends say. Actually, I am not. Really. perhaps this year my perception changed a lil due to certain things, but I dunno. My class maybe? Thts why I try to speak more to gals outside class. I dont think I am making sense, but I guess thats what a blog is for. Writing down what one feels at that moment of typing. Its 2:09am on 12/6. In a month time, i probably would be moving. I still cant bear to move, but I wont mention about it again I guess. And I think I will get over it bah, I hope. In more ways than one. I am burdened in alot health problems this year. Actually, I think I became more of a worrier this year, getting abit depressed. Kinda signed up for the LRIKS thing. Think its something meaningful bah, at the same time, hoping that I may receive some help, at the same time, another listening ear.

Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Sometimes, I wonder whether you know.

2011-05-31T00:40:00.000+08:00

I got so many things I want to say. Recently, life has been so sucky. Like just now, I came home after all the thoughts on my mind. Somehow, I managed to quarrel with my dad over a minor thing. Mom came over and stopped me. Then she started scolding, saying i got what relationship problem and stuff. I really didnt mean to quarrel with everybody. I was so tired that I just wanted to rest. I became so upset and after putting my specs down, and when my mom continued saying unreasonable stuff after I told her to stop it, I snapped and banged my hand on the bed. and fuck. I fucking hit the specs and it actually bounced and drop to the floor. Picking it up, it was bent 90 degrees at one of the ends. I cannot believe it. Immediately went down to the optician nearby to fix it. She managed to put the thing back but then somehow I feel its abit loose on that side.. a small matter led to this. Gonna try asking optician again tmr see can tighten it back. Rolling back, was walking home towards the bus stop, from the school to take 156 home. Don't know why everytime i walk that path. I will think alot things. Maybe its quiet. Maybe its because I am moving soon, and I wil no longer be able to take that bus to go home. Especially at night. The road is busy but the path is totally quiet. tranquil. only me walking along that path. Thinking about all these worries at the back of the brain... Going move house soon. Everytime i think about it, I feel kinda depressed. I bet I am the only one out of dunno how many people who moves house that don't like to move. Maybe I am weird. idk. It's just the emotional attachment I have to my current house, the environment, the people. I lived in Sengkang for 11 years since I was in Primary School. I remember last Christmas, i said to myself, what will the new year bring? Will i still be here next Christmas? And really, a year changes alot of things. By next Christmas, I will no longer be in the room I am where I am typing this now. It’s too sudden. My parents don’t understand how I feel. Yes, I may not need to do much, and it does help their financial situation I guess. But why so sudden. I seen Sengkang grow from a small town to what it is tday. When i moved here, the flat was new. Compass point was not there. There was no Sengkang MRT or LRT. My primary school was just built. The nearest mall was Rivervale Plaza, Mall. There was only buses as transport. I still remember 502 going from Sengkang to Boon Lay as an express service, where they scraped it after NEL opened. Things change. I love my neighbourhood. I cant say I love my neighbours because my parents fight with them. Yes, I don’t have good neighbour relations. But i still like my block of flats. The soccer shelter where I used to play soccer with my pri school frens in primary school. The fitness corner where I trained my pull up. The clinic where I used to see. And more recently, the sports complex and LRT that opened. Going to ty house was so convenient. The feeling of nostalgia is overwhelming. Yet no one knows. People say ‘’wa move house ar so good. I also wnt move house leh.’’ They dun understand. That indescribable feeling. I cant imagine myself not going the usual path to school. Remembering the times when i took 159/109 to xinmin. And how i recently started take 85/161 more often to go yishun and woodlands. Practically the whole estate of sengkang is at my fingertips. It is small, yes. Yet, it has been my life. I don’t remember staying anywhere else although I apparently had. Yeah, and as i type this, my dad saying’’ if you don’t want move then go somewhere else stay’’ great. All he thinks is himself. I swear i will fuck the agent upside down if i see him again. Bitch woman. Hougang is nt a bad place. I been there alot times. Its just that I cannot see myself being in a 3-storey low rise building. 3 room. Yea. Another bad point which i have to admit is that it is a downgrade. Squeezier. I am practical. I cant say it doesn’t matter to me. Then there’s the trouble. All the moving and stuff. The configuration etc. .. i hate adapting. I hate changes. I am not afraid to say that. Next time i swear when i grow up and if i have my own family, i swear iwill never repeat what my parents did. They may have their difficulties but i don’t agree with their actions. Never. Its hard to leave. When i am used to something, there belongs a bond. Which is so painful to break. Truthfully, sometimes i don’t like when my dad is at home, we cannot communicate. He is so fucking irritating at times. Until i cannot take it and i fucking scold him back. And a fight breaks out. I wonder what era he belongs to. Not to say he don’t deserves my respect. But he is so damn unreasonable at times. Most unreasonable person i seen in my life AT TIMES. Thats why i don’t like go home early. Its not i dun like the physical home. Is the people. He can quarrel with everybody in the house. I still think he made the wrong decision to buy the house just because the agent said it was good location and price. fucking son of a bitch agent. Ass face. Talking about him makes me feel mad. Still can remember his !@# face. His wife too. They say that assholes comes in pairs. Hope they get knocked down or something. Not that i am evil or anything but i just feel they are damn unscrupulous. If i tell this to anybody, people will say that i gone crazy but guess nobody understands me again. ESPECIALLY not my parents. Father is so uncommunicable. Mom is better. Most of the time. But she also doesn’t understand. IF WITHOUT HER SUPPORT, I DONT THINK DAD WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THE HOUSE. Dunno what they wre thinking. Now when they quarrel, they use the house as a topic. Laughable right. I dunno whether to laugh or cry. People say that i don’t have a bad life. Its not i am homeless, i have no food. Yes i admit. I should count my blessings. But don’t everybody want things that they want? They say god is present. I went church one or two times to experience service. God. Do u really exist? I dunno anything about you. But somehow during the service, i really feel more relaxed. More composed. Albeit for a short while only. Temporary. But the worry-free feeling is really great. I wish you could help me more. Yet i cannot be greedy i know. The song that is playing now

‘’ a moment of love, a dream, a laugh, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs.’’

got meaning i guess. That’s life i guess. Then there’s the other worries on my head. I am a worrier. This year maybe. Started worrying about everything. Sometimes, when i sit on the bus, somehow i drop tears. When i think of all of it, really get very stressed. Going to the counsellor makes me feel better awhile, but i only see her once a few weeks. I dunno whether i got depression or not. The second half of last year was so great. Really. You were so great. First half sucked. I got to know somebody. I didn’t have much worries. Even promos was not a big worry to me. Not saying i am smart. I fucking hate it. When people say i am smart. I am not. Its that i believe hard work pays off. Last year before promos i worked my ass off. I am not ashamed to say i deserve my results. This year, i am slack. Tests aren’t great. But i still make a point to at least read through the lecture notes a day before the test. Just read. Doesn’t help much. But it still does. I think partly because of the so many worries i have, i cant motivate myelf to study. Like this june holidays, i believe after week 2, where i see my dental appt, things would be terrible again. Haven’t even finished my tutorials now. Really worried i wil flunk my MYEs. Especially when i also moving hous in july. Parents. They don’t care. Great isn’t it? I say this before every month, but i really hope June will be a better month. Cross fingers. I dunno how come i am so suay. Talking about dental appointment, people wear braces is common. But i wonder how my case would be. Sometimes i think about it, i dunnoe why. Did god make me this way? I have 5 missin adult teeth. Once the baby teeth drop off, there will be a gap i guess. One already dropped off long ago, apparently there;s a small gap which i didn’t notice. Why? Why me? I dun even know of 1 person who got this problem. And i searched on web. There are people who has 1 or 2 missing adult teeth. But very rarely got 5. Why? Why me?am i really so heng. I dun even know am i suited to wear braces. I don’t want to extract away the baby teeth. There will be a gap which is unsightly and yes, i care about my image. Everybody does right. I don’t think i can afford implants. Its painful, time consuming and it fucking costs 4Kper tooth. The braces cost 4k+ too. I hope the ideal situation is i can wear braces without any extraction. Peo/ple extract when they have braces is because they hav overcrowded teeth. What do they do when you have not enough teeth? I really dunno. I pray again. Appt on 6th june. Trying to do as many things as possible before then because i know i prob will be worrying about that, which is a big issue to me, after the appt. Best case scenario. Can it really occur? I don’t know what i have done wrong really. Isit i did bad in my past life or something. Sometimes i dun even noe what to worry. Besides this and the house thing, there is a queue. Its like never ending list. The funny thing is that, i stop worrying about one thing because it is replaced by another thing to worry about. Even things like teeth. SO MANY PEOPLE DONT TAKE CARE OF THEIR TEETH. PEOPLE SMOKE. PEOPLE EAT DRUGS. PEOPLE DONT EVEN BRUSH PROPERLY. How come they have perfect and nice looking teeth? Why me? NOT TO say that i take care of it perfectly, i make a effort to take care of it at least. I see my sisters’ teeth. Same blood. Same parents. How come their teeth sui? How come mine lidat. Is because my father teeth lidat. But he denies he have missing teeth. It could be genetic but how come nobody else have this problem. I really dunno what to do if the worst case happens. Both roads seem to be dead ends i guess. Why me again? It’s really unfair. I don’t understand. Not only that, recently i found out i have another health issue. Accidentally diagnosed. Can say so. Seen a urologist . things are fine for now. Lucky me? But its a long term issue. Things could go wrong anytime. Percentage of people having this problem i researched is 15%. One in seven. I am lucky again. I really hope things don’t go wrong. The only treatment is surgery. Why me again? Why not him? And him? And him? And i fear surgery. There’s many things in life i fear. Scaredy cat? Maybe. I am envious of others. Leaders. Talents. People at shows like the one. Its not a worry but i wish i was like them. There’s alot things in life i don’t know. And i regret. Maybe its the way i am brought up. My parents didn’t care. Again, next time i grow up, i cross my heart, if i have the ability, i will make sure that my child knows alot things. If he wants to learn. Such people are popular. There’s this aura around them. There’s even this ‘’look-up feeling’’ ihave for them. Even normal people on the surface can have immense talents. I am a plain joe. Not even a plain joe i guess. Below average. I dunno what i am good at. Seriously. People say that everybody is born with a talent. I don’t. But i am not really concerned about it bah. For now. I guess. Too many problems. Then, there’s you. I think i am not good enough for you. With all my flaws. What can i do? I dunno already. I think that this issue is the most depressing of all actually sometimes. I think about this the most. Even though it might not be the most serious and affect me the most. I really want to talk. But i know i wont have the opportunity to do so. Nothing in your eyes, sadly. Sometimes i wake up after sleeping, with tears in my eye. Cant realyremember what i dreamt about. But could vaguely remembering you appearing. But i guess that’s something i should keep to myself. Sometimes i think of what else i can do, or whether i should even attempt trying. Its useless isn’t it? Everybody says so. But theres this something inside, something that dun want let go. I guess i am irritating. But i really am trying. Do u know? I m really trying not to bother you. It feels like torture to me. Withdrawal symptoms? I lolled at myself when i thought of this. Waikit, you are just silly. You shouldn’t wait anymore. But sadly, the more i told muyself this, i still couldn’t take in my own advice. The brain doesn’t agree with the heart. The heart feels really empty. I really tried my best. I wish i knew this. But you wouldn’t. And i know i shouldn’t talk about this anymore because it could ruin things even more, seeing how things are so monotone now. Or maybe i expect too much. And u feel the strain. Probably? I really dk. I keep trying to guess, yet i cant. As i type this, you are online. But i dunno whether i should start a convo. Partly because i know you don’t want to talk much. And partly because also i know that i don’t have much topics left. Sometimes when i sms you, i don’t expect a reply already. Its just like a mirror. Reflects back. What can i do? Helpless? Smile of helplessness sometimes. What else is there left? Memories? When i look back, i really regret. I know i said this alot times but i cant help but want to go back in time. Memories of the past are better. Wouldn’t it be good if one can escape from reality, along with all his worries, and belong in a world that he truly desires and wants? Even if its not real. Haix. Is there a next step? I dunno. Probably all backwards. One word : regret. And maybe sorry. I dunno what i done wrong, but i feel i had. If only, you could tell me. The only thing i can do now is to imagine. And silently hope that life is ok for you, and help if possible. Wht else can i do at this stage? I really dk.. Internet technician coming down tomorrow also. Recently internet having some problems also. Dunno whats wrong. Hope he can fix without changing the modem though. I hate changes. This kind of thing is also i call the service person and fix myself. Nobody in the house cares. I wonder what other people in other families do when such things occurs. Father fix it? Hahs.

i just want to be normal. Worry-free. Will that be possible? How would things be two months later. The next months would be crucial and milestones in my life. When i reach august and i look back at this blogpost, what would i think? Will it be ‘ hah i worry too much lar.’ Or ‘ guess what i worried came true in the end’. I really really really really hope its the former.

<3.

2011-05-23T21:56:00.002+08:00

i think i really worry too much.

i keep telling myself that things would be alright but fear consumes me. its really a mountain of issues. and some of them are not just temporary problems. they all come suddenly. or maybe it's been there for awhile just that i now then pay more attention. i don't know hw many times i seen the gp/specialist/dentist this month. like just now, suddeny found something. immediately worried again..

i dunn
i need to calm down. i need to calm down. i need to calm down.

and i found out who are my true friends.. you..i can't seem to do anything already.. devoid of ideas. and i have no energy left after all the things that have been happening. i am not even studying already.

2011-05-01T02:50:00.002+08:00

problems. so many. even teeth gt issue. praying nth bad happens. although there seems to be some pain already.. :/

what i would give, just to spend a day with you. how happy i would be then. impossible dream? somehow i wish you are reading this, so you know what i feel.

2011-04-23T23:38:00.002+08:00

Perhaps, it's been a mistake from the start. Perhaps, I been too overly concerned and overly enthusiastic in my actions. Perhaps, I should not have did what i did and things would be better. Perhaps, what sarah said was true, if there was even a chance, it would have happened long ago. Today is 77th day, exactly 11 weeks. Thinking about it, its been steps backwards not forwards. I rather we are good friends than the current. Perhaps, I really am quite irritating. Thought of it before, but what can I do? Apparently, I thought I restricted myself already. But it seems like no, I didn't. At least to many people. Perhaps, it is just a crime and wrong to like you. It's making me miserable.

2011-04-11T00:14:00.001+08:00

u will never understand my intentions

2011-04-10T23:53:00.001+08:00

ehh i said smth wrong meh.. everything i said was the truth and what i knew ma -.- haix scratch head think for 30mins also dunno wad i say wrongly. question mark.. sian.

2011-04-10T09:39:00.003+08:00

what if i said i still had feelings for you, what if i said that i still liked you? you will probably avoid me, wont you.. thought of you and dreamt about you the whole night.. usually i dun (cant) rmb my dreams, but this is so vivid and clear in my head, even now. haix... worries worries. hope u will feel better soon tho

2011-04-05T21:43:00.004+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8hHoQoyuPM

Dream On
Close your eyes and dream ...
Dream of anything,
Dream of everything,
Close your eyes and dream ...
Dream of anything.

Imagine this,
Imagine you're a star,
Singing on the stage la la la,
Hear the crowd,
What a great reward - when they shout hooray!

Imagine this,
Imagine you're a star,
Running in a race oh so far,
Reaching for the sky,
You're really gonna fly - when you finish first!

Dream on - dream of anything,
Dream on - dream of everything,
Close your eyes and see what you can be ... when you,
Dream on - dream of anything,
Dream on - dream of everything,
Close your eyes and see what you can be ... when you ...

Close your eyes and dream ...
Dream of anything,
Dream of everything,
Dream on - dream of anything,
Dream on - dream of everything,
Close your eyes and see what you can be ...

When you dream ... dream ... dream ... dream dream.

Revisited this song recently, earpieces with a room of darkness and closed my eyes as the song started playing. Alot things swam in my mind, things from longlong ago, childhood, to present worries and things. One of my childhood shows, one of the greatest shows I seen. Not embarrased to say any of this. Great songs they have. Can remember some of their songs by heart. Always believed in dreams, where one can make thing happen if one works for it with the destination in mind. I always felt that dreams make things happen. With the courage to dream, desire to work, nothing can stand in one's way.

But my logic seems to be flawed. Things don't seem to work out. Maybe dreams are as what people say, 'Dream on'. Imagine this, imagine you are a star.....

2011-04-02T02:41:00.001+08:00

a moment of love,
a dream,
a laugh,
a kiss, ,
a cry,
our rights,
our wrongs.

what happened

2011-03-16T04:11:00.002+08:00

Its so hard to reach out to you. Recently, it got even harder. I noticed, but then I thought I shouldn't be commenting on that. Why am I still waiting? Maybe it really is my problem. It just wouldnt die. It kinda surprises me when I see her at the most unexpected places but it still does makes me happy to at least catch a glimpse of her. But then, it's tellable/observable that it is not the other way around. Prob I m being paranoid, but it seems so hard, even to say a hi and bye. What chance is there then? zlich? Thinking of topics is not a easy thing.. to the extent that sometimes I just give up, but then for while, before I (Stupidly) will foolishly think again. But then, to think about it, recently there is no need for this. Blessing? absolutely not for me. But then, what can I do? plain helplessness yep. When you avoid certain questions, it just feels awkward to ask again. and I hate to see myself being so 'low'. Its like Im presenting myself to be so desperate. despo as i always call it. But then, is there a need? Sometimes, I can only think of a sad 'Yes' as the answer. Because I foolishly wait for a miracle. But then, how long can it last? Today, Tomorrow, Next Week, Next Month, etc.? I wonder myself too. Maybe my heart has a problem. I always fail at such things. Affection, matters of the heart as they call it. Friends, when i see them, how come it brings them such joy? But for me, its always misery, plain old sadness. My problem, definitely my problem. haix. How to change things around? Can you tell me?

'Let Nature brings its own course' -> that whats people always say. But I don't believe in such statements, I always think fate is in one's hands. It's a matter of how I use it. Waiting, stoning will not bring anything. But then, I think I did something wrong. I misused fate.. :( Things weren't as good/optimistic as I thought it to be. Plain stupid me, why did u think it would end all well? Looking back, i still dont regret my actions because I take pride in what I did, but then even if it accounts for nothing, I can't deny it's been an experience and it has brought smiles to my face, for a few times. Even if it's minimal, and temporary.

This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.
How true is this? very true, always very true for me.
just had a roller coaster few hours. Had a fever yet I am not sleeping yet. tsk. SL camp was good though. It made me think of something though. Something I TRIED very hard to stop thinking, because I knew it wasn't right, and it wouldn't be fair. Confused.

2011-03-14T02:34:00.000+08:00

will there be light at the end of the tunnel? will there?

2011-03-12T00:15:00.001+08:00

i think i like u more than i like myself... tho things are going to fall apart.. i know. life's so stressed and the amt of work and studies is just drowning me. when i think of whats the next step when i lie on the bed, i doze off. haix.. is this unnecessary? am i creating too much worries for myself when things are actually nt as bad as I think. I have no idea.

2011-03-06T00:38:00.001+08:00

really not so easy. did i break my promise? :/ shall c hw things go bah

2011-03-04T21:46:00.003+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_-ojOR7WuU

故事的小黄花从出生那年就飘着
童年的荡秋千
随记忆一直晃到现在
rui sou sou xi dou xi la
sou la xi xi xi xi la xi la sou
吹着前奏望着天空
我想起花瓣试着掉落
为你翘课的那一天
花落的那一天
教室的那一间
我怎么看不见
消失的下雨天
我好想再淋一遍
没想到失去的勇气我还留着
好想再问一遍
你会等待还是离开
刮风这天我试过握着你手
但偏偏雨渐渐大到我看你不见
还要多久我才能在你身边
还要多久我才能够在你身边
等到放晴的那天也许我会比较好一点
等到放晴那天也许我会比较好一点
从前从前有个人爱你很久
但偏偏风渐渐把距离吹得好远
偏偏风渐渐把距离吹得好远
但偏偏雨渐渐把距离吹得好远
好不容易又能再多爱一天
但故事的最后你好像还是说了拜拜

0:43 - 0:58 is so nice.

dead end, roadblock. barrier, how to continue. give up, tough. tried my best, no effect. perservere, right choice?

2011-02-26T16:59:00.001+08:00

just nt gd enuff.. sometimes i wonder, what could have happened if it turned out the other way. i dream of it all the time. but i guess dreams are dreams.
i guess its the end.

<3 u but whats the point. it's just killing me.

2011-02-19T00:58:00.001+08:00

it has tobe you.

2011-02-17T20:53:00.002+08:00

smetimes, i feel i m wasting my time. but then, everytime i see her, i just cant bring myself to act as if nth's happening, i tell myself nt to give up, in the hope that one day it will pay off. nv give up. 永不言败, never say die i guess. honestly, i m kinda content ( and happy ) to see her during rehearsals, which kinda motivate me to go for rehearsals actually. it makes me even happier to see her smile her pretty smile. :D:D so its kinda of a double edged sword, for me (but nobody knows. everybdy thinks i am the slacker), that there are no more rehearsals and the actual's thing is tmr. means that i will prob see her lesser and lesser.. and when cca stops.. what will happen? idk. just hope for the best bah..

and talking abt tmr, i hope i dun screw things up. *hopes hard*

2011-02-13T21:43:00.001+08:00

i hope she's nt referring to me.

2011-02-05T23:37:00.002+08:00

break again.

2011-02-05T23:22:00.001+08:00

nobody to tell to how miserable i feel. nt parents nt friends. i m just gonna stare at the wall and stone and let the tears flow. mayb tmr will be a better day.

2011-01-29T10:14:00.001+08:00

shit... mayb i had overdone it.

2011-01-17T00:16:00.001+08:00

dropping lots of hints, but you didnt seem to catch it. worried..

2011-01-14T22:48:00.003+08:00

When I m not feeling good, songs always give me a much needed lift.

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool, I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool, I know we're cool
Yeah, I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool, I know we're cool C-cool, I know we're cool
I know we're cool
C-cool, yeah, I know we're cool

Gwen Stefani - Cool.

"If we hold on together,
I know our dreams will never die.
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I "

2011-01-09T03:10:00.002+08:00

was doing maths... then gt a question on discriminant, made me think of sec sch again. ok i think i m weird, this kind of thing also can link back, but yea i still kinda miss the time where i sit in the aircon class, with gd frens beside and around me, and the times when i was a nerd, jus played chess like nobody business, crapped and bullshited with the people around me. its kinda sad that i no longer contact osama, and i hardly talk to weiping,but i guess thats life. i m kinda glad that i still meet julian a few times during e holidays. its just to lan, but yea its more of the bonding than what happens in the game. who cares if we lose badly? its the fun playing together that counts. yep, thats y i say lan with the right ppl will only be fun, otherwise i will jus reject, doesnt interest me. its a pity, i cant really communicate with the 404 ppl but then i m trying my best. i think its me, i m still hesitating i guess. but everybody has moved on, everybody is busy in their jc/poly lives, some are juggling work and life, and i guess i shouldnt be staying in the same spot and keep thinking of the past and all the what ifs. u know when i saw her recently, my heart still skipped a beat, but thats all i guess. already so long ago, why bother. plus she probably will be thinking ''walao, so suay''. neverminds. i treasure my frens alot, but sadly, not everybody does so. ofcourse, i m not asking for a mirror. its plain ridiculous, but it jus feels nice to know that people takes u as a friend. NYJC feels different. Its the environment and such. I met great people, and not so great people. But mostly the former. Its been 1 year and i m one day away from starting J2, but somehow I still dun really belong there. Isit just my reluctance to accept the school? I think so. I still feel more attached to XMS even though all the chers i know are leaving, the gd frens i had there are drifting apart, and it feels abit different everytime i go back. But then theres the sense of belonging. How I would wish to be able to be in the air-conditioned classroom at the leftmost corner of the 2nd storey, sitting at the 2nd back row of the class near the back corner, bullshiting with the people and playing chess, all the while suaning each other. of course, there are other great people from xinmin that are not from 404. i m very glad i still keep in touch with ty, going out occasionally and crapping like before. theres really no sense of awkwardness between us and can really talk about anything under the sun. but everybody's busy with their lives i guess. hah. Sitting in A NYJC classroom doesnt give me the sense of belonging I so desire. Sometimes, I just stone and sleep. At other times, I drift off to wonderland and hope for the lesson to end. Hey, not to say its the fault of the people. Its just the school as a whole. Its just me. I never slept in secondary school classes before. Ok, at least in sec 4, I dun remember. Because I really enjoyed each subject and the chers and the lesssons, not forgetting the friends. Plus, there really wasn't the stress. Reality slowly creeps in and yea, we are in NYJC 9/1/2011 J2 starting tomorrow. Although I didnt really like some of the sec4 chers, i always managed to look on the bright side. But hmmm, JC sucks. I say it here cos its my blog I guess. I kinda wished Xinmin was a IP school, a 6 years IP programme where I would still be there now. Of course, I wouldnt have met some of the people that I know now from NY, and I think I may regret it. Talking abt NY, SLC just feels different. The enthusiasm just kinda waned. Used to look forward going to each session but now, I think I rather shut my mouth when I am there. Wrong words kill. I dun like the restriction of my speech, but I rather keep my mouth closed to avoid unnecssary conflicts. Sometimes, its feels weird when there are 1001 girls talking and u just cut into the convo. Yep, I feel awkward. Its just complicated I guess. Piano on the other hand, looks brighter. Made alot new and good friends there. Everybody just craps there. Plus there this big concert in Feb, so yea. But I avoid saikang :x

I really need to sleep. This post was actually unneccessary but I think things just flowed. My Maths lying beside me but I did 1 qn and I typed all of this. Lacks the motivation, and I gotta find it soon. Sch's starting and i must say I DREAD IT. But life continues. Oh and did I mention, I m kinda glad to meet some of my old, past and current friends at the edusave awards today. Even if there were time misprints etc. Catching up abit feels rather good. (:

2011-01-03T02:26:00.004+08:00

sometimes i think, i dun wish to quarrel with my dad. most of time i regret it. but its really irks me off sometimes. to put it more crudely, pisses me off coz sometimes its so unreasonable. i feel bad after awhile, coz all the nasty words were exchangd. like just now, what he did simply stunned me. i dont even noe wad to say. unbelievable i guess. 2am quarrel. haix. great start to the week i guess

and sch starting in 1 week. double edged sword. it feels gd to see some people, but then the stress comes back. all the subjects. pressure and homework, definitely undesired. talking abt homework, i m in deep shit. hardly started on anything. this sucks man. need to chiong this week. so yea, tmr gonna start doing as much as possible. my aim is to finish chem maths gp. rest i see how bah. maybe tat is even too hard to reach? i dunno. good luck to me. i need it.

friends, what can i say? some bring humor in ur life, enrich ur life, brighten it up and cheer you up. but on the other hand, sometimes, they may just make u feel down, either accidentally or not. whats more, what do u say to friends are more then just friends. i mean just think abt it, i m afraid of saying wrong things. deja vu happen too often. too frequently for me. until to a extent that i watch my words when i talk to people i care more about. to admit, my atitude and language sucks. i flare up easily, lose my temper and utter all the colourful words. but then, subconciously, i would try to put on my best behaviour whenever i see them, talk to them, smile at them. even its just a simple hello. some people say i crap alot. crap to a extent that i might be irritating. actually, i think so too. but really, its to keep the convo going. hahs. jus the other day, i saw a twit by a fren that went smth like this, ''i did not say bye to u b4 i slept so tbat i could continue the convo with u the next morning''. found this true to a certain extent. i m worried that people get pissed over my crap. so i learnt not to overdo it. in fact, once bitten twice shy as they say, crap is subjective. but sometimes, it just brings a smile to my face, however slight it may be, wherever i may be at. that is what the (dg0) frens ard me say about me, where they caught me um chio. lol. funny i guess. but its hard to control. the msg is lame, yes, but i mean its for good humor, and i aprreciate it, so i will only engage in 'crap' as some people might call it (no offence to anybdy) with people i m really sure they wouldnt mind. i think that might be a gd way to knw more abt one another too. even if jus words, u may just find out some info abt that person, even reckon some traits of his/her personality. Admittedly, i dun engage in convos with guys. ok, rarely, but thats only for gd frens which im comfortable with. strangely, topics run out rather fast when i talk to guys and it feels kinda awkward for me. wonder its just me. i think its better to talk face to face with guys frens. works better. less awkwardness, as they call it. so yea, dun call me biased, i treat everybody fairly, unless of course you are that more than a friend.

life, as everybody calls it recently, might suck. family isnt that gd.. two quarrels in one day isnt anything to cheer about. sometimes, i m at a loss of words on what to say to my dad or sis, and i feel kinda worried coz i know its not normal and there should be a cause for concern. well, maybe its my attitude. when im using the com, everybody who disturbs me get shouts at. so yea, maybe my small sis is afraid of me. should talk to her more often soon. dad talks alot, too much then i tolerate, before i too, blow my top and tells him to stop nagging, where he will takes offence and holy, recipe for a fight/quarre;. full blown quarrels where the police are involved are more rare nowadays, but it used to be quite common. i always wondered what my neighbours thought of my family coz i think they can hear all the screaming coming out from the flat at odd timings like 10am, 2am and midnight. maybe they are cursing at us and have this feeling that we are a strange lot, and perhaps not a united family. i might agree, if i was an outsider, my family do things that seem abit, abit strange to me. not alot, just abit, but perhaps i m used to it. or perhaps its not strange at all. its just my biased perception. well, whatever the case, it just doesnt seem right to me. but i dunwan to blow it up. plus, i m used to it, so why bother? and its nt a big deal. i would say that i dunno alot many things, but i m trying very hard to learn. i use the net nowadays frequently to search things that i deem would be useful knowledge or information in the practical world. but yea, i guess, i only read and dun actually do anything. take cooking for example, nowadays nobody in the family cooks. in fact, its been years since i had a cooked dinner. the only person doing cooking is mum, where she cooks maggi mee in the morning. or perhaps some rice dishes for lunch before she goes to work. hey, nt that it sucks, it tastes nice, i aprreciate it. but sometimes, i envy people who have dinners where the family would sit around the dinner table and talk about what hapened that day. tht kind of family is usually a bonded family. perhaps, thats y i dun cook at all, even if i really want to learn. because my mum dun haf the time to teach, plus she hardly cooks. i really peifu people, especially guys of my age, who knows how to cook, or even bake. great skill i would say. learn cooking at a cc, u might say? yea good idea, i would consider, but really, i m a complete newb and i m afraid of what will happen in the kitchen. i mightjust become the next clown. but yeps,i wanna learn smth after As, and i might consider it. i would say i m very reliant on friends, i feel much better when i do things together with a fren, even its just a single fren. theres this sense of ''security'' that makes me feel more comfortable and that we can help each other, even if its more of him/her helping me. so cooking classes anybody? hahs. talking abt learning smth, i m also considering picking up a new language. was at the CC today and saw the courses they offered. Korean or Japanese looked appealing, although it was abit more ex than the other courses at 100 for sessions of 1hr30mins. but yep, if i managed to save enough money till then, I would definitely give it some serious thought. For now, learning piano is already expensive for me at 265. just wanna do as much as possible in it, and learn to my best abilities. the interest is definitely still there, just that i would say sometimes i am lazy to practise even if the dsire was there just a few hours ago. when i reach home, i on the desk/lap, and after spending awhile on it, the time to practise would be gone and i would procrastiate,just like what i did for homwork. same case. guitar is actually another thing to consider. it looks cool (!) plus the sounds from it are rather nice. it looks hard tho, the fingerings and such. plus the fees would be ex, nt to mention the cost of the guitar, even if i reckon a guitar can be bought around 200? those low ends one ? i hope. lol. money is definitely a issue. frm lst year till now, wanted to laern inline skate. but then 2 problems appeared. first, no people wanted to learn with me. and when it was solved, i had no money. haix. but i still hope i can learn it this year. as you can see, so many things to learn, no money. no time too.

NS fast approaching, and i m rather concerned at my fitness, or the apparatent lack of it, i would say. for my birthdate, i guess it would be around may nxt year. so actually its only like 15months away from now. which isnt long, considering how the 12 months of 2010 flsahed past in a instant. life in it is gonna be tough, i would need to learn alot things, which i am worried that i would struggle, cause i have low EQ as my mum always say and i would admit that my motor skills isnt that gd. so frm nw till then, i guess i would have to slowly force my body to exercise, even its just a teeny weeny more. havent been exercising much in the holidays, since usually the exercise i do in 2010 comes from playing squash in sch and the occasional soccer or other sports in PE. kinda missed squash. perhaps what makes it more fun, is the people i play with bah. i would say its definitely not a loner sport. brings me a rather large bundle of joy whenever i play with people, people i like though. not everybody. there are some that i dun really prefer to c them ard, its not that they did anything wrong, but maybe its because its my inferior prsonality. because they are better than me. i guess. my pesonality sucks. plus they tend to showoff, so yea, avoid.

thinking abt it, i still havent find my strong point, not to even mention talent. people say that god made everybody fair, everybdoy has talents and their strongs plus weak points. Weak points i can identify aplenty, but when it comes to something i am good at, i am at a loss. Things that i am average at, perhaps a few, but its nt even above average, just plain old average. haix, i guess there really isnt anything i m good at. Just my lack of ability i think. Hope that someday i would discover it though. yeps, inner hope in me always.
was looking through a web in the morning today about orthodonics, in layman terms, dental. people around me has nice smiles, i realised. then i looked at mine. sad i would say. braces are expensive. accoring to some forums , they cost at least 3k even from government and there is a certain wait for it. plus there is that discomfort from wearing it for a long period of time, around 2 years i think, which will definitely hinder my life, not to mention NS. a soldier with braces just looks weird. but why am i even thinking of it? just that perhaps i want to look good i guess. maybe better would be the ideal word to use instead of ''good'' . braces ultimately makes one smile nicer in the future. 3k is definitely out now, even if quarterly months cost 500 sgd. coz 500 sgd is still too much for me to afford, parents would just laugh off when it is unnecessary, and i agree. but someday, perhaps when i m a adult, when i m working, when i got the financial abiilty (i hope i will have), i would go fit on some braces, wear for a year or two, pay a sum of money, just to make myself look better. who doesnt right? besidees, from the webs i went to, it improves one's dental condition. but undoubtedly, i think 75% of teenagers who wear braces do it because of aesthetics. personal appearance doesnt matter. i m just a plain, maybe ugly, Joe.

so money, where do i get it? it wouldnt drop from the sky, thats for sure. working after As is a serious consideration. but i have hardly any experience. and i quit easily. really nid to train myself mentally not to give up so easily. plus i wonder what jobs i can do, when i consider i m lousy at alot things. food for thought i guess. so to anybdy out there, who wanna get a job after As? hah but i doubt anybody reads this. so neverminds. my tagboard been filled when all the strange msges with links that are obiously webs wuth viruses. lazy to clear from cbox tho. since i noe not to click, and nobody actually visits, no need to remove it actually. hahs. laziness is another one of my bad traits, where in recent times, it became quite a worry. hahas. but nevermind, i would oonquer it when school reopens. i hope. or at least put up a good fight.

its 325am, cant belive i typed so much, for 45mins, time to surf some webs before i sleep. goodnight. :)

goodnight to you, in particular. though you will never read this. sweet dreams.

2011-01-01T21:15:00.002+08:00

y'know i feel kinda stupid now.

new year resolutions are aplenty. but are they reachable?

i just thought of 2 more things that i hope i can achieve in the new year.

2010-12-30T21:28:00.001+08:00

new year coming! mus hav new year resolutions!!

1. do well in A levels 2. everybdy ard me stay healthy and happy! 3. make new frens 4. learn more piano things so i be more pro. =D 5. patch up with old frens

thats abt it bah. cant think of anymore le. time really flies man. already 17 and end of the holidays le. sometimes, it will be gd if time can abit slowerrrr. nxt year will be a hectic year. guess gt hardly time to take a break. plus NS looming. haix.

happy holidays/ new year to all. doubt anybdy reading this though

2010-12-29T23:13:00.001+08:00

i m so glad that i found u, love being around you.

sch's opening soon. bleh

2010-12-18T02:06:00.002+08:00

gahhh. homework piled up to the max.!! so much work, so little time. yucks.

and i have so many places that i want to go... finding people to go to these places would be tough though.

really disappointed. but yea, i realised no point. i m going to tell myself to let go. i miss the times though.

lol out of boredom. copied and pasted from some web.

Sagittarius Key Words:

Strengths:
Great sense of humor, idealistic, generous.
Weaknesses: Will say anything no matter how undiplomatic, promises more than can deliver, can be impatient to the point of rudeness.
Charismatic marks: Open and interested. Generally tall, strong legs. Clothes for comfort, not style. Women act in a "tomboy" manner.
Likes: Travel, being outdoors, freedom, philosophy.
Dislikes: Details, being constrained, off-the-wall theories, clingy people. Best environment: Outside, on the move.

actually, (to my slight surprise), its kinda accurate. i would actually give it a 4 out of 5 if based on accuracy. i have no idea about the strengths because I dun think I have any but the weaknesses are quire relevant. ''Promise more than can deliever'' definitely a hit. ''Impatient to the point of rudeness'', yep bingo. I am damn rude. At least, I think so myself. I m not so sure about the first weakness, but 2 out of 3 is not bad. Then, there's this next paragraph : "Extroverted, optimistic, and enthusiastic, it can be almost impossible to keep the Sagittarius down. They love change. In fact, change is essential for this sign to feel their best. " Nah nt really. I feel I am not extroverted, opti, enthu. In fact, I can say I am rather pessismistic. So, I shall take this web with a slight pinch of salt.

2010-12-08T12:40:00.000+08:00

It’s weird not talking to you. There’s that yearn in my mind to chat with you on MSN, and you’re only that click away... But I can’t click on it, because I’m a coward. I feel remorseful for everything that I have done, because I see the friendship to be so important... After the slightly awkward conversation previously, I don’t really know how to start a conversation with you already because I am scared. I’m scared that awkwardness would subsume the conversation. But I’m already feeling that void in my mind....And I know how much I treasure this friendship.

found this on my friend's blog, and i found it very true. (Excerpts credited to him). felt almost the same, just that i didnt noe hw to write it out.

2010-12-04T03:11:00.002+08:00

turning 17 in a few days time. wonder whther it is a gd thing or a bad thing.. to me, growing up is nt something that i really look forward to.. as u grow older, you are one more step to being an adult, stress and everything comes in. of course, being a adult has its own benefits too. nt denying that. 17 is not a good number for me. one more year to enlistment? lol. mixed feelings bah. the year of 16 was a reasonably good one i guess. came to a new school, took new subjects. stress inevitably raised but made new friends. some good friends in fact. some came and left sadly, while others just left. on the whole, 16 was a new experience. learnt alot new things. bowling. pool. nc16 movies (not considered learn bahs), and many many other things. explored alot places in singapore. i think i know singapore at the back of my fingertips now. in the year of 17, going to do more activities, that i nv tried b4. always wanted try ice skating. but i cant skate. maybe even pick up guitar? who knows. talking abt guitar, i m glad i joined piano ensemble. piano is kinda fun i guess. increased my musical knowledge by abit bah (: i guess. and there is nice people there too! hahs. slc on the other hand, i am abit disappointed. to say the truth. people there can be nice though. class was ok, too mugggish for my liking though, but we do play sometimes, like today. buffet (: and nxt mon. hahs. hope things go well. family was turbulent. lots of quarrels. cried several times because i couldnt take it. but then i think things are ok nw. i hope? i realised i nt very close to my familty though. and terribly distant from my relatives. haix. i was at the singapore cruise centre and cable car station today, and changi airport recently. i still hope one day, hopefully soon, i will be able to travel. unlikely with family though. one time wuld probably be enuff for me. sometimes people who complain about going to this same country, i just feel envious of them, i guess. hahs. parents rich maybe? oh yea, and i needa improve on my interpersonal skills. guessed people didnt like me because i pester them too much bah. well, i can do nothing about it bah since they perceived it in their own way. though, i still treasure all my frens. even though its not 2 way. its just life i guess. shall write more soon. when i reflect more. hahs. and i like my carpet sweater. comfy (: gdnight!

2010-11-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

2010-11-28T17:36:00.000+08:00

haix.. i want go overseas. saw the webs of changi ap, the various airplanes webs, and being at changi airport really makes me wanna go overseas. feel damn suaku. i think even if i go, nt even sure of what to do/prepare.. when will my maiden trip be"?

2010-11-27T19:44:00.000+08:00

shuldnt have on msn.

worst feeling for some time. the more i try the worse it gets, so why am i trying? yea, stop it.

2010-11-26T20:27:00.001+08:00

yiruma is nice.

2010-11-22T20:13:00.002+08:00

kinda depressing... tried to understand oscillations but cant understand anything. didnt really want to skip lecture, especially when its physics, but no choice.

in the train home frm bridging, i was thinking. really wonder continuing h2 phy is right. i actually thought that i would not do well for physics eoy, sparing me the choice of whether to drop physics. i hate decisions, especially choices that i cant made. people now ask me wad i get for physics and they 'wah' me when i tell them got a B, suan me for saying that I would fail. But fuck, I swear I thought I would fail the paper.. I dun really know whether I am have the capability to take h2 phy next year, especially the syllabus becomes so hard. its like i m very hesistant, especially when I think of electricity and magnetic fields, etc, chapters that i hardly understand in secondary school, and now they are back, bigger and better. plus there's still SPA. but everybody say '' aiyo, u get B, drop what.. sure can de la.'' I hope I really can. I dunno dropping nxt year would be abit late. my enthusiasm towards chem maths econs is much much higher compared to physics. I kinda hoped that i would fail physics so that I dunnid decide whter to continue, because the choice would have been made for me. I know h2 physics certainly keep many options open in the future, but the question is : will i survive nxt year?

2010-11-20T22:54:00.001+08:00

pissed would be an understatement. i hope i m nt being taken for a fool

2010-11-20T21:28:00.001+08:00

ouch.. i was kinda shocked at the price of the fotocopying.. hole in pocket liaos. anyways, great day cycling today and talking and crapping and slacking! :D weather was very gd also at ECP after short rain. cooling! and best thing i didnt crash into people! CLEAN record! :D

i been eating mcdonalds/burger king almost everyday nowadays... no more fast food for a week!

2010-11-17T01:09:00.002+08:00

hey, i would like to help you. I know I can. Even though you are just a friend, somebody who erm I talked to like only once b4, i think that a fren is still a fren. you do seem quite emo on your blog...

the problem is, how do I go about helping you? hard.

2010-11-13T02:49:00.003+08:00

sometimes i really think it's very unfair. very unfair to me.
yet i cant complain. i cant air my grievances.

2010-11-11T00:03:00.002+08:00

even if i don't say it, i dun even talk, or that i (may seem) damn dao, i really wish everybody around me well. even friends that i dun talk much to. dr garfield always there to help. hahs.

but if only..if only.

July 2010.

2010-11-09T20:17:00.001+08:00

I had a beautiful dream yesterday night. How I wished I nv woke up. It will never happen in real life.

Dreams never die
When we sleep

Forgotten.

2010-11-09T02:04:00.005+08:00

I cant believe I am still thinking about that thing now. Whats the point?

I cant get over the fact that you actually said such things.

海平面遠方開始陰霾
悲傷要怎麼平靜純白
我的臉上
始終挾帶
一抹淺淺的無奈

and my dad's scolding me now.

2010-11-07T12:10:00.005+08:00

Its a sunny day, around me I see children playing, I should enjoy this day, yet I can't bring myself to.

So that's the reason. What can I say? I am feeling like shit now. I really regret what I did then. Nobody would believe and I don't need anybody to believe anyway. I regret it like fuck. Fingers were itchy and decided to try my luck? I knew there was a chance it would explode in my face. I fucking knew it, yet I decided to ride my luck. Things became worse than I expected. Much worse. I really did not have any intention for things to turn out lidat. I admit, I thought wrong. I realised today, I started everything. But its unfair. I am the bad guy. Yea, I should not have asked. But, was there really a need to make a mountain out of the molehill? I was condemned because of one mistake. I was still worried about you. The stupidity of me. Thinking back, why should I have cared? Yeps, I knew I added in alot of unncessary stuffs. But I jus wanted you to climb out of your shadows. I even visited the counsellor 3 times jus to ask her for help. I could tell that things weren't going to change but at least I jus wanted to try. She even said that you could come back to jc if u wanted. She could help you. But nobody appreciates it. I am the bad guy. I ruined the friendship. I destroyed things. And then I tried asking from help for people that were close to you. Because I knew you did not want to talk to me. I only ask how are you EVERY 2 months. Just because I just wanted to know whether you were doing well. And best of all, you said I was simply irritating. My fault. I accept. Looking back, I was just stupid and foolish. Its totally not worth it. and to make things more complicated, beacuse I had totally no brains, I asked her to help. You know why? Because I thought you would help. Isit that hard? Just asking on my behalf whether you are ok. But yea, I expected too much. My fault again. I guessed I digged my grave and then covered it myself.

It hurts alot. Because not 1, but 2 of the people that I thought that were my frens simply label me as irritating. I accept it. I should be more self-centered next time. I learnt a valuable lesson. Why care about others when you got yourself? I wanted to help you in your schoolwork in any way I could coz I see that you got so stressed but I got daoed. You dont even feel like replying? I really dunno what to say. So that are what friends for. WHY BOTHER REPLYING? HE IS JUST A IRRITATING GUY.

Guess there is nothing I can do. I accept that am the villian. I have to make do with it. I need a place to scream it all out.

' ...irritated at what kind of person you are, your character. ' I really need to reflect. I just want everybody around me to be alright. Is that really wrong of me? It really struck me head on. This sentence. Maybe there are more people that think of me in this way.

Time to pick up the remaining pieces, and move on. Where I can help, I would. But I learnt today that it is always better to consider yourself first. Because this is what everybody does

2010-11-07T10:46:00.001+08:00

当初彼此不够成熟坦白
热情不再笑容勉强不来

2010-11-05T23:03:00.002+08:00

When i read people's blogs, facebook, etc, and when they complain that they are going to this same place overseas again/ or that they are going overseas, i really dunno what to feel. Up till now, I am still waiting for my chance to go overseas. I should feel happy for them in a sense, since they will probably be having fun overseas. But I just wonder how come life is unfair to me. I dun even noe how an aeroplane's interior looks like. Only seen it in pictures. So people, appreciate and enjoy ur travels (:

i gonna try again.

2010-11-03T19:12:00.000+08:00

sometimes i need a listening ear. i feel kinda lonely sometimes.

2010-11-02T19:44:00.002+08:00

I thought for a long time, and I still dk how to solve problem. To be honest, I dun even know whether it is still a problem. I m not fully convinced it is not though. I hope I m wrong but its quite obvious, in a sense. I hardly know what to say already. I was right. Things were wrong then. Maybe I am weird? Its still so overwhelmingly cold.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

2010-10-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

i still belive that one day things would be better

2010-10-28T00:49:00.001+08:00

I wonder hw i can help you. I want to help you but whenever I try to, I just feel intimidated by the coldness.

2010-10-18T19:24:00.003+08:00

walaos. dam suay! fell on the soil during soccer! pants look like i shitted on it -.-washing it made me look like some alien from mars. DAMN MALU x1234567890. zzz emergency evacuation home. then wanted take cab. the taxi driver keep talking to me in CANTONESE.zzzz. lucky noe hw to understand abit (thx hk dramas and songs)i was like huh for 90% of the time. language barrier!!

at least there was a gd side to the day though (:

2010-10-16T01:16:00.001+08:00

sometimes i do hope u read all of this. so that at least u know wad i feel.

2010-10-13T20:02:00.001+08:00

It's ironical
that i got so much to say to you but i don't know what to say at the same time. Sometimes, I am so afraid of what I will get back in reply.
I don't know why, but when I genuinely try to be nice, and concerned, and just want people to be all right, people will misunderstand me. I have no ESP. I can't read minds. How will I know , especially when I am so blur, that I might have done something accidentally.
Maybe it's my face. Sometimes, when I see in the mirror, I get irked.

Its so easy to give up, and I really feel like doing so sometimes.

2010-10-10T23:16:00.002+08:00

i am not aiming at anybody specfically. serious. sometimes, i think people get the wrong idea of who/what i am talking about. actually, it is most of the time. just that i feel it is rather awkward to correct them.

there no such thing as equality in the world. life is unfair, in a sense. sorry, i shuldnt be complaining, but since this is a blog, i think i can jus write wad i feel. what you give is not what you get back in return. true, one should not hope to get something back in return when you do something for others. to honestly say the truth, i don't. but sometimes, it would be nice if people acknowledge ur efforts. even a little thank you makes a big difference in my opinion. but no, sadly. it kinda sucks when people change so fast that you dont even recognise them anymore. when they are able to say words that can hurt you. when they are just so selfish and think of only themselves. everybody's human after all. people do take care of their own needs first. no problem, but it wunt kill to be nicer, ain'it? i can wish for all i can, but i noe nothing's gonna happen.
but still, there's no harm hoping. because i believe that one day, you will give me a answer.

2010-10-09T15:12:00.001+08:00

I wonder will there be a change after promos.. unlikely..

2010-10-07T22:02:00.000+08:00

She's so beautiful and I tell her everyday.

2010-10-05T15:46:00.000+08:00

I hate it when i get daoed. makes me feel non-existent.

2010-10-03T18:51:00.002+08:00

你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经
太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

到如今已经很困难开始对话，说来说去还是那同样的一两句goodluck。再也没有什么idea了。

2010-10-02T14:56:00.001+08:00

Cant believe how bored i am

2010-09-28T19:15:00.002+08:00

came home early today. 7. exams coming. can reckon its gonna be a disaster. what are the CME H2 classes? must make new friends now. probably joining their classes next year. sculi E also cannot make it.

sometimes, it feels awkward for some reason whenever the paths cross or meet. maybe its just me. not that i want to avoid, but 'hello' suddenly seems hard to say. or maybe its been always the case? till now, i m still thinking of the reason. i guess sometimes things happen as they want, without a reason. hah.
jy bah.

2010-09-20T21:26:00.000+08:00

frigging tough and hard.

2010-09-19T03:51:00.002+08:00

wow finally cleared my filing and printed out the stuffs. from 1am till nw - 3:57am?

today was a strange day. wanted go do smth fun. then nobody was free. so solo again ; wanted to study. at first was bishan library. but then went past lorong chuan decided go sch instead. lol think reached at ard 2pm. quite quiet. kinda surprised me; thought would have alot ppl studying there. dang, i go to school on a sat! lol did 2 miserable pages of econs notes there. slept for ard 20mins. woke up. decided to go j8. then went around looking for music schols. sudden desire to learn piano after exams. wanted to go to yck cc - cristofori's branch there. then got on the stupid wrong bus. i colour blind siah. wasted 30mins. amk int ->amk int. displacement 0m. passed by some ulu industrial estate. changed to correct bus. reached there. explored abit. then take 86 go rivervale -> lrt go anchorvale cc -> lrt go compass point. basically doing the same stuffs. finally reached home at 8. slacked ate a double quarter pounder (omgee calories) then watched halfway thru a movie on hitler (gonna watch the second part after i bath after i type finish this).
sidenote: hitler isnt as bad as many ppl think, imo. if i post this on fb sure tio flame lol. went to print manymany promos paper on litespeed. (Dont think i can even do half though) and here i am! typing this. hahs. i think i m going to leave my physics to dry. didnt even print physics promos papers. gonna focus more on econs. i will never dro pit. for a very simple reason.

and yea i m going to cross my fingers and hope for the best. haix. things are no longer in my control. sometimes i wish what goes through your mind.

2010-09-18T11:16:00.001+08:00

always a tinge of regret within me, probably for a longlong time. and dang, i miss xms

2010-09-14T21:53:00.004+08:00

Disappointment.

Thats what I can say. The hours spent to draft the outline was completely crap and wasted. No one to blame but myself. Worst thing is I gave the wrong info and ''helped'' people do badly. Feel damn guilty. 不只害自己，也害到了别人，越帮越忙。I am starting to doubt my abiliy recently. Perhaps I am nothing but lame, as people always say. Bet I gonna receive another rundown from parents after the recent string of results.

But what to do? . Pity things were disastrous in the end.

2010-09-11T21:38:00.001+08:00

sometimes, when i jus feel down, i like taking the MRT around with no specific destination in mind. like today, wanted to study at amk lib instead took mrt to woodlands then slacked then yishun then slacked. maybe i m strange but somehow when u sit down, and u see people getting on their daily lives, it makes me kinda reflect.

what does it take to earn forgiveness. i wonder.

2010-09-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

words cannot describe my feelings now. its like searching for a needle in a haystack, or what they call 海底捞针. seriously cant think of any reason.

2010-09-10T11:55:00.000+08:00

totally devoid of ideas to start. ..

2010-09-09T22:21:00.000+08:00

i really want to talk to you so much but i can almost predict the cold replies i will get.

2010-09-08T11:07:00.002+08:00

i like pets. but i think i should nt be adopting one.. with my attitude and character ar.. the pet in the end will become very sad. and i dont want that to happen. somemore my family dun really like animals too.. yea. the spca web is very informative. think i shall make a visit down on friday and be a member.

2010-09-07T21:31:00.001+08:00

i really regret that move man.. haix. now things are much worse. i really ask for it man. now tell me how should i improve things? i am afraid of another wrong step.

2010-09-03T22:26:00.003+08:00

i really cant stand waikit.

never forget these 5 words.

2010-08-21T22:13:00.003+08:00

I got so much things to say. But I know I can't say. Even if I want to, it is suicidal. I also don't have anybody to confide in. I need somebody where I can pour my heart into. Where are you when I need you? I hate emotions. I hate love. To me, it only brings misery. It destroys everything. I can't bring my emotions into school. I don't want to stress people around me also. Everybody have their own problems. I try to look happy. But it is really hard for me to do so nowadays.

I hoped throughout the whole day that you would reply. But you never did. I want to talk to you. But I don't know how to.

I wish I can disappear, vanish painlessly.

2010-08-19T21:00:00.004+08:00

i am feeling the stress. i have alot homework to complete. i cant understand physics. having a little trouble with chemistry too. physics is horrible. dun get the entire chapter. then nxt week there's like so many tests. absolutely draining. why is everything getting so hard?

I really want to change things, but I am so tired that I can't think of anything. Good or bad? Probably bad i guess. There must be a reason, it's too sudden.

it's 100 days today. today i went to the bus stop opposite J8. It reminded me of One stormy evening in April when although I waited 30mins for 156, it was the best wait of my life. Do you remember? You don't.

2010-08-16T20:20:00.002+08:00

wanted to do work but in the end no mood to do, slept for 1 hr instead at the benches. since everybody was busy, and i also wanted to be alone, decided to go to amk myself at around 6pm as usual. to say the truth, there is nothing to see, but didnt really want to go home that early. bought sweettalk and loitered around for ard 30mins, before buying a quick dinner. went to the playground near the central stage and sat there for ard 10mins, observing the surroundings as people walked past. i don't know how to describe what i wanted to do, but it made my mood slightly better, even though its just awhile. maybe it is just the slowing down of the pace of life. life is too fast. took 159 home. the bus went past xinmin sec and saw some students got on. made me remember the times i waited at that bus stop. reached home at ard 8.

promos? i dun really care, to be honest. i realised that instead of stressing yourself out over getting those grades, i should appreciate the things and people around me more. havent done much for a long time. econs test was a fluke. but nobody believes. i made up my mind to take h1 physics next year. i dun even mind retaining, if something happens.

i am deeply misunderstood. but who understands me? nobody.

have faith.

it's been a long time since i truly felt this way.

what about u.

2010-08-15T12:17:00.002+08:00

give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.
(i love you)
give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.i love you
(i love you)
you make it easy, its easy as 1234
theres only one thing two do three words four you i love you
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
thats what ill do i love you
(i love you)
i love you i love you.
one two three four i love you.
(iloveyou)
i love you
(i love you)

I don't want to hear this song, but somehow I also want to hear this.

total fail.

2010-08-15T03:37:00.001+08:00

I cant sleep.

2010-08-14T22:58:00.002+08:00

Slept damn early ytd. think record this year. 1045pm i think. The flu is finally getting to me, i guess. plus, so many things on the mind. sucks.

Mini tour around singapore today.
Sengkang -> Woodlands -> Tampines -> Bedok -> Eunos -> Dhoby Ghaut -> Sengkang.
Just reached home.

I think I digged my own grave. Terrible week. I seriously had no idea what happened though. Guess this is life.

fuckfuckfuckfuck. i m getting back to my old habits. fuckthisman. omgla. zzz. this is probably a fucking lost case. i think i keep making things worse. fuckfuck. sometimes i should chop my fingers.

... And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes, clear your heart
Cut the cord

Are we human or are we dancers?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancers?

I am also human.

2010-08-11T19:44:00.011+08:00

What's happening with me recently? so absent-minded . I think I left the entire vectors tutorial in the canteen. I lost interest in studying. Retaining doesn't sound like a bad idea afterall. I am just going to do work when I feel like doing and I realised there's no point in doing well.

I feel like stoning, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, for these few days. I got too much on my mind. The more I think of it, the lousier it gets. and know what? There are some work that I keep since April because they are too precious to be thrown away. I knew this kind of thing would happen if you left. haix. Whats done cannot be undone? No. I pray for a miracle. I really do. I still wish you would come back someday.

I rather live in a world where I deceive myself. I don't mind confusing dreams with reality. I want to be like Cobbs in Inception. I want to make a world of my own. I want to live in it until I die. Reality? The Real World? Bullshit. Who cares if I can be with the people I want, doing the things I do, even if everything was fake? Make me dream forever. I just cant. I am aware of the real world. I want to deceive myself. However hard I try, my mind tells me this is the real world. I don't want to be in reality. It sucks. 7 April was the date of the SLC performance. 5 May was where u left. Its almost 100 days since then. Its not 100 days of bliss. Its 100 days of torture. I would really give anything I can do, just to have another shot. But why did things had to come to this stage? Isit wrong to care for someone? Even if it's overly? I don't even care so much for my own family. Not even half as much. Was I wrong? You could have told me. I could have changed. For you. I really would.

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

2010-08-10T22:18:00.003+08:00

Friends - Quality better than Quantity.
I'm glad that I have at least 1 quality friend.

I am worried. I kinda lost the interest to study. My homework pile is stacking up.
School's staring tommorow. Need to force myself to smile again. I seriously starting to hate school. Wouldn't it be good if you can sleep forever?

I can't get through to you, and yea thanks alot. for ruining my mood.

You needn't be so direct.

2010-08-10T03:09:00.007+08:00

(disclaimer : poor english post and xinmin propaganda)

Ahh wanted search for something at youtube, in the end turned up i searched for xinmin lol. The number of videos there not so many, related to 2009 batch even lesser. But I guess mdm liew was right on one thing, Xinmin will always be a home. Nanyang just doesn't gives me that feeling.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_5OADJNJgc&feature=related) <<< mr pang dancing hahah gives me memories. Damn I should apologise for saying he slacks last time. My current CT slacks even more. But then both are nice people. still remember sec 2 gt paul cheong the penguin haha. cinema 4d! never forget that. high tech software for low tech ppl like me. copy n paste from other classes and submit as own :D chinese chess with julian in sec 4 everyday haha. the friendly rivalry and his sarcastic remarks about the poh... hope can meet him tommorrow. Mr Lee - the wise bear! Sec 4 class. wow. Mr PAH and his bellyyyy haha. Mr Wong and his coolness - ''I am a tree'' << still remember his teachers day trademark line. Mr Yap! friendly geog cher. Probably why I got a A2 for Pure Geog. I am kinda sad he's leaving Xinmin though. Good teachers should stay hah.

and ohhhh PE. zzzz i used to fear it at first. But it was kinda fun.. even with Mr Tay the ~~short~~ but sibeh dua muscle man and his 5x pumping and sit up sets during sec 3 and 4(during rain), so everytime PE pray no rain. LOL.

ah and also sec 2 PE zzz kena sabo PE rep. omg PE rep! what. Sec 1/2 with xiquan,tengyong, amirul and james. the taboo gang! +shili haha. kinda sad that other than ty, rest hardly any contact. haix. sec 2 - Mdm POKKKKKK as form cher. chaos LOL. christopher and gang with their jokes. (Y) ..

I realised I am very blessed to be in great classes. (albeit a few people) , with GREAT (Seriously great, x100000 better than current class) humour, never fail to make myself laugh. walao I am smiling as I am typing this. nevermind.

Sec 1 was some tamil cher for english and literature. I remembered it SUCKED. DAMN boring. omg. I hated it. I seriously thought that the school sucked. I was very wrong.

and ohh I owe my A1 and B3 in MT/HMT to Mr ANG (sec 1), MDM GWEE (sec 2), 还有小潘潘(潘老师!) (SEC 3):D , mr pang (sec 4). Each of them have different styles but they all helped me in one way or another, THANKS. SO THAT I DUNNID TAKE H1 CHINESE NOW. HAH

english was best WITH KEVIN CHENG (Sec4). lol damn funny seriously. He's still the most funny and witty (he rebutts people damn quick) teacher i ever seen. BETTER THAN KEVIN LOW (current chem tutor) ! no offence though. Ms Lim in Sec 3 wasnt that bad also haha. Nice and friendly. (: Plus the fact she praises me often too hehe.

Come to think of it, only a few teachers I didn't like in XMS, BUT they more or less were still okay.

AND DAMN. MANY THANKS to the maths department in Xinmin. They built up my foundation. MRS SONG in sec 3 was esp good. STRICT but effective. I also like her teaching style. hope she is doing well at her new school. Mr Lee rocked. What more can I say? ''Terrible''... sec 2 though.. changed 5 maths teachers in a year. but the last one- Mr LEE KM was also good hah. kinda funny also. Sec 1 was ms khor. ok, i must say this. I think, contary to popular belief, that she is a very gd teacher. I do not why she gets picked on everytime just because she looks small (!) ohno. i hope she doesn't cry again.

I took Pure Chem and Physics. MR tay was good. HE IS 72 YEARS OLD. BUT HE HAS NO DIFFICULTY WALKING, TALKING, WRITING, THINKING, MARKING, SETTING QUESTIONS, JOKING AND SMILING :D Though I still sucked at physics, I felt he tried his best, and given his age, kudos (X10000) to you! 长命百岁! mrs peh.. teached physics for 3 and a half years.. good but mood swings. pity though she is another mrs khor. haix. smetimes feel rather sorry for her. Lastly CHEM. DAPHNE LOW . I still remember sec 2 . omg uber chaos. serious. looked more like a market than a classroom with all of the rebutting. Sec 3 was Jason Chew. no comment. SEC 4 < MRS ANNIE NG! she and her stories. oh man i love her stories. they fascinate me. stories about her childhood, life as a student, mother, wife and teacher. How can such great teachers exist all at once.

For GEOG, ms NG in sec 2 and ms SIA in sec 3 were relatively not bad too..
I love the school man. Though I kinda regret I didn't accomplise much in Xinmin though... arrrrrgggghhhhhhh. should have done more instead of slacking and quitting CCAs. regret regret regret. REGRET! My main regret at Xinmin. Thats one of the reason why I promised I will stretch myself when I came to NY in terms of CCAs.. but guess i STRETCHED myself too much until become rubber band. looking at yearbook now.. haiss the memories. alot heartache recently.

and wow. I am supposed to wake up at 9+ tommorow . 5 hrs of sleep ftw!

man this is nice.

2010-08-09T22:32:00.003+08:00

Well, National Day is here. Basically, nothing much besides seeing fireworks. And I have got to say that I underestimated the number of people that will be there. God knows how flattened pancake I will become if I fall in that huge crowd.

Life's been troubling lately. I realised I really need something to occupy my mind.

You know, after so long, I still can't get it. It is like a dream, suddenly transforming into a nightmare within a matter of days. I have trouble accepting reality, I guess. I was looking at my message archive. April. I reformatted my phone. I can't bear to delete those messages. I only have those that I received. The memories came back. What's with me? I have a problem seriously. I do not know how to tell these things to the counsellor. I should have cherished the opportunities then more. Why did I choose to play squash instead? I never learn to appreciate things until I lose them. The numbers on my display message reminds me of the days that you left, reminds me of you, reminds me of how I failed. I thought I was the luckiest guy on Earth, until down came a cruel twist of fate. No one has made me that happy before. I wonder if you ever felt the same way, or that I was nothing. Merely some dust on the table. To say the truth, I really have alot things to say. But sometimes, I don't know how to start. Its a bad characteristic of mine, I tend to keep quiet even when I am bursting to say something. Because, I don't know how the other party will react. I fear their reaction. I never did tell you what I feel. I don't fucking know why. Even at the very last moment, when I knew that it was inevitable, I clammed up. All the things we agreed to do together, aren't they just past memories floating around now? Why did it had to happen? In my dreams, I build an imaginary school, a school whereby you were still around. Now, whenever I see you online, I really x1000 want to talk to you. But I don't know what to say. I really don't. Even if life sucks for me now, at least, I am glad that life is probably much better for you now.

有时候, 我很恨自己,没有珍惜你, 因为我完全没有想过会有这种情况. 我很肯定你已经忘记了我，可是我时时刻刻想起你，没办法忘了你。

I should wash all this out of my mind. I need to pretend nothing happened. EVERYTHING IS PAST TENSE.
...but I can't. I am weaker than I expect myself to be.

Sometimes I am confused what my heart tells me. Really confused.

2010-08-09T01:31:00.008+08:00

top it off with a lovely song.

National Day Holidays. Going to soak in the atmosphere. I think.

I need something to spice up my life man.. It's too mundane and still. The same old pattern everyday, hang out, slack out, talk crap.. Its no wonder I have nothing to update.

I should not have sent that. regretted immediately.

2010-08-09T00:14:00.001+08:00

I think I need pictures to liven this blog. But I am lazy. There are many pictures i wan post though.

What's happening?

2010-08-07T11:38:00.004+08:00

Its in dreams where things may happen when u really want it to happen, but in reality, there is hardly any chance of that happening. I had many dreams yesterday night, but there was a common thing between all of them. Guess my subconscious was too active yesterday. Because you are the dream.

Yesterday was strange. I had a packed schedule. But it became rather free in the end. Had to ps people. I feel very bad.. guess I probably kena blacklisted.. because i organised the event. People were probably o.o I guess. But it was worth it. very worth it. even though nothing much happened.
I learnt not to reveal too much things in cyberspace, but I think this is the only place for me to let it out.

I am fearful of what will happen though. Deja vu always strikes. Thats why, I don't dare to do anything.

你是说说的，还是真的有意思。。我不敢问你。

2010-08-07T00:22:00.004+08:00

Life's been pretty colourful though these few days, but will the colours last? I really hope it will.

Just hang on in there, you are almost there, coz you can do it. It is tough, but I think I am trying.

2010-08-02T21:25:00.001+08:00

Mrs Gan is right, i need a balance. But where isit?

National Day is nearing! and i am having that patriotic feeling! :D and best of all, short school day. hehe. need to find something to do though..

Sing a song for Singapore .. :)
Sometimes, I don't know what goes through your mind.